How to overcome your fear of pain

Life isn’t about avoiding pain. It’s about knowing what’s worth living for despite the pain.

To find that purpose that makes the pain irrelevant or less relevant is key to really living.

Many of us get carried along in our lives without really knowing what we want in life. And, when that’s the case, we take the path of least resistance. We’ll choose comfort. We’ll coast.

But, when you live purposefully or have a goal, you approach life differently, better.

You won’t see pain as something to avoid, no. It becomes an obstacle that you must overcome to get to your goal. Pain becomes a challenge, not a deterrent. You see, good goals eclipse the pain.

So take the time to clarify what you want in life. If you do, you’ll be able to go through anything to achieve your purpose.

You won’t just be alive. You’ll really live.


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Resolutions are good, legacies better

Don’t just make resolutions; leave a legacy.

Over the break, I, like many of you, reflected on the past year and casted hopes for the next. It was a mixture of memories and dreams, sadness and joy, grief and gratitude. There wasn’t much clarity that came from that exercise for me. But there was one question that rang clearly.

And it was this: What legacy will you leave?

When I say “legacy,” I don’t just mean an inheritance of money or property or things that you leave behind to your inheritors. I certainly don’t mean getting your name on a big building with Roman columns, no.

I mean less conspicuous things that leave a greater impact, like shaping your children to make them more loving, unselfish, and honorable human beings. I mean giving the hopeless hope and beauty and truth. I mean the immaterial things that make the world materially better. A legacy is more than the items we leave behind; they are the impressions, even imprints, we make on a person’s soul and the world’s spirit.

Isn’t this a question that we should all ask ourselves? So, What legacy will you leave?

For me, as I let that question slap me across the face, and I feel the reverberations of its meaning pulse through me, I think of my children. I am far from a perfect parent. In fact, often, I think, “I’m a terrible father.” But that doesn’t mean I don’t try to improve. I do. But I fail often. And when I do, I ask for forgiveness, from God, from my wife—from my children.

The question also compels me to write more, better. I don’t just want to write on this blog, although I do love it. I want to create art by writing a novel. I want to tell stories that shape not only this generation but generations to come. I don’t know if I can or will. But I must try.

Maybe you don’t want to have children, or you’re not a writer, or whatever. That’s fine. There are other ways to leave a legacy. You can create something else. You affect your neighbors, coworkers, friends, etc. We all have an impact on the people around us. And it’s not just about what you do, but how you do it. Do you respect others even when you disagree with them? Do you treat people who have less than you with more dignity? Do you love people as you want to be loved? Those are legacy leaving questions.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not perfect at this. I’m awful at it, really. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t continue fighting to carve out a better world. If anything, if my family and friends can say that I never gave up and continued to fight for good, that would be enough, I think.

So, in this season of making resolutions, setting goals, trying to be a better you, do that, but do more than that. Those changes are good. But let’s all find ways to create more lasting change, something that will live longer than ourselves. Let’s leave a legacy that will bear fruit beyond 2021, or the years to come, that will echo past the grave.

And, the fact is, we are all leaving a legacy whether we like it or not. The question is, What kind will it be?

That’s a question only you can answer.

It’s a choice.

So, what will you choose? It’s one you get to make every day, every moment.

Right now.


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To be rich, this is the kind of hustle we all need

Often it’s not how much money you make but what you do with it that counts.

I heard this story about this Chinese woman selling these little buns, for like fifty cents or something like that, in New York City’s Chinatown many years ago. And after maybe decades of working, she bought a building in Chinatown with her earnings. Then from there, she bought others.

You see, she didn’t make much, but she made the little that she had count. Day by day, she saved every cent to maximize her efforts to reach her future goals. She didn’t let her small income hinder her from dreaming big dreams. No, she did what she had to in the short term to enrich her long term vision.

She didn’t spend her money on nice clothes, a nice house, eating out, a Lexus. No, she saved. And, she slaved away rolling those buns before dawn, then spent the rest of the day standing on her feet selling her goods and wheeling her cart back and forth to her corner. And after she saved enough money, she invested and bought an asset that could earn her income. That’s hustle.

But it’s not just any kind of hustle. It’s immigrant hustle. It’s starting small, with virtually nothing but some buns and cart, and ending up NYC landlord rich. It’s knowing that you can compound a life’s worth of work and see incredible gains if you persist and manage your resources smartly.

She knew that even though she didn’t make a lot of money, she could save and not spend. And, this is important—over time, years, even decades, she could invest. She would accumulate assets that would make her rich. That’s the equation that makes the rich rich: saving + investing.

You see, you don’t get rich by living richly. No, you do it by living poorly and investing like the rich. That’s how fortunes are made: little by little until you have more than you can count. Fortune favors the patient and diligent. You don’t have to be an immigrant to practice immigrant hustle, nah. Anyone can do that.

Most of you have a greater advantage than this woman. Imagine what you could do if you heeded her example.

Yeah, you’d be rich.


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Keep your New Year’s resolution by thinking like this

The size of your resolution isn’t what causes you to quit. It’s because you’re going too fast. If you slow down, you’ll have a better chance at keeping your resolution.

Let me explain.

Maybe you want to get super fit, or land a massive promotion, or make millions in your new business. Those are big resolutions, and that’s great. You should. That’s not the problem.

What is is this. You want results now, or tomorrow, or next week. But that’s not how you reach big goals. That’s not how it works. It’s not fast. It’s slow.

It takes time to get healthy, lose weight, gain muscle, lean out. It takes a lot of work and wins to get a promotion, land that corner office, win that title. And most businesses take years, even decades, to build.

When you rush to achieve that resolution, you will feel defeated when you don’t make the progress you were hoping for after too short of a time. Instead, you need to set your expectations rightly. Extend your timeline—practice patience.

No one wants to hear that, I know. But it is the truth. The good news is that resolutions are achievable. All of what I lined out can be done. You just need to give yourself enough time to accomplish them.

You need to slow down. Take one step at a time. Set your internal clock accordingly, and you won’t feel like a failure because you didn’t lose twenty pounds or gain ten pounds of muscle or start running a 10K yet. You can be content with making those small steps and realize that you are playing the long game. But you’re playing to win.

A lot of reaching your resolutions is in building habits. And those take more time than we’d like to admit. Wendy Wood (affiliate), a research psychologist who’s spent the last three decades studying habits, has seen that different habits take different amounts of time to codify into one’s life. The more complex an act is, the more time it takes to make a habit.

Most of us have heard that it takes thirty to sixty days to create a habit. But Wood found that simple actions like doing some pushups every morning may take that amount of time, but going to the gym and doing a series of workouts would take more, like four or more months.

Habits are powerful. I’ve seen it in my life. Much of what I do that’s good for me is automatic. Doing my workout in the morning, intermittent fasting for twenty hours six days a week, reading fifty pages a day, writing this blog post are all built into my daily routine. I do it without thinking.

Sure, fasting twenty hours every day sucks. And I want to eat breakfast with my family, but it’s a lot easier than when I first started. But when I began forming that as a habit, I fasted for much shorter periods and took my time to get to where I am now. In short, when I started, I expected less of myself.

And I think that’s where a lot of our resolutions get shipwrecked. They are dashed on the rocks of our expectations. We expect ourselves to be much further ahead than we should, and when we aren’t where we think we should be after struggling for a month, we get discouraged, deflated and stop.

Instead, take your time, but also start smaller. Take smaller steps. If I would have tried to fasting every day for twenty hours, at first, I think I would have given up and stuffed my greedy face with all of the food I could find. But, by making my goal ten to twelve hours in the beginning, I was able to build confidence and, more importantly, the habit of intermittent fasting.

As you round out the first week of this fresh new year, you can reach your goals and fulfill your resolutions, even the big ones.

But don’t go fast. Slow down and form habits.

And win.